Written by The_Obese_Hiker

You know the drill.

It’s the middle of the night, your alarm’s blaring, and you’re dragging yourself out of bed to go voluntarily climb something steep, muddy, and unreasonably far away - all in the name of fun. By the time your boots are on, you’ve already asked yourself the question:

Why the hell do I keep doing this?

You don’t even really like people. You’re not trying to get fit for anything. And if you wanted a view, Google Earth has plenty. So why do we do it?

It’s not about the summit selfies (okay, it kind of is), or the calorie burn (ha), or some mystical communion with nature. It’s about that weird little craving for discomfort - the one that says “let’s go suffer a bit, just to feel something again.”

🧠 It’s the Hobby That Hurts - and That’s the Point

Modern life’s made us soft. Comfy chairs, screen time, JustEat on speed dial.
But then you step outside, load up your pack, and spend five hours being slowly dismantled by a hill in Yorkshire. And weirdly… you feel better for it.

It’s the kind of therapy that involves swearing at sheep and contemplating your own mortality while trying not to roll an ankle. There’s something beautifully pointless about it. A bit like CrossFit, but with more bogs and fewer protein shakes.

😤 Hiking is Just Controlled Suffering With a Map

Every time you go out, you tell yourself it’ll be different. The route will be shorter, the weather will be kinder, and your knees won’t click like a cheap suitcase.
Spoiler: it won’t be. And you’ll still love it.

So we make the same choices over and over - pack snacks, chase peaks, cry a bit, take a smug photo, repeat.

🥵 Because Type 2 Fun Is Still Technically Fun

There’s something about the misery of hiking — the sweat, the bad directions, the suspicious sheep staring you down - that makes you feel alive. Or maybe it’s just the panic from losing signal 7 miles from civilisation. Either way, you’ll still tell everyone it was “amazing” once you’re back at the pub.

💬 No One Understands - Except Other Hikers

Try explaining to a normal person that you spent six hours chasing a trig point in the fog, only to find it surrounded by midges and disappointment. They’ll look at you like you’ve got trenchfoot.

But we get it. The Obese Hiker tribe is built different. Emotionally unstable? Maybe. Endorphin addicted? Definitely.
Unstoppable? Only until the snacks run out.

🧢 Stuff We Keep Taking Even Though It Doesn’t Help (Much)

Here’s a list of gear that probably won’t fix your life choices, but might make them slightly more tolerable:

🧻 Anti-Chafe Balm
Because pain between the thighs shouldn’t be the reason your hike ends early.
💥 Might not fix your life, but it'll stop the burn.

🧦 Merino Wool Hiking Socks
Soft, breathable, and slightly smug-feeling.
🧦 Feel like a seasoned hiker even when you’re crying at the first stile.

🧴 Electrolyte Tablets
Turn your warm water into something that tastes slightly less like regret.
💧 Because your hangover and the sun both hate you.

☀️ Proper Sun Hat
Nobody looks cool in one, and that’s kind of the point.
🧢 You’re not here to impress - you’re here to not get heatstroke.

🚽 Pop-up Toilet Tent
For when nature calls and you're sick of squatting like a gremlin.
🚻 Privacy: unlocked.

🚩 The Red Flags We Ignore (And Probably Will Again)

• “It’s only 3 miles” (liar)

• “It levels out after the first bit” (bigger liar)

• “The trig’s just up there” (spawn of Satan)

• “This’ll be good for us” (certified delusion)

📸 So, Why Do We Keep Doing It?

Because despite the complaining, the chafing, the weather, and the fact your mate Karen didn’t bring enough water again - we love it.

We love the views, the post-walk pint, the smug sense of achievement, and mostly, the fact that we can tag ourselves in summit selfies and pretend we’re outdoorsy legends.

☕ Power It With Brews

If you're going to question all your life choices on a hillside, at least do it with a brew in hand or a bottle of beer.

Our enamel mugs are built for this sort of breakdown, and our magnetic bottle openers are too. Stick one in your bag. Trust us.

👉 Also check out the full For Him and For Her collections - because hiking misery is gender-neutral.

🔗 Little Note on Links

Some of the above are affiliate links. If you buy through them, we might make a few pence - which we’ll probably spend on flapjacks and plasters. Cheers for the support.