Written by The_Obese_Hiker

Let’s be honest - some days, just getting out of bed feels like a summit attempt.

The idea of lacing up your boots, squeezing into your waterproofs, and hauling yourself up a hill for “fun” sounds like something only a sociopath would suggest.

But here we are.

Fat, fed up, and on the fells anyway.

Because even when life’s a bit sh*t - bills piling up, body aching, motivation nowhere to be seen - there’s still something weirdly comforting about a good stomp up a muddy path.

🥾 You Don’t Have to Be an Athlete to Be Outside

If you’re anything like me, the outdoor industry doesn’t exactly roll out the red carpet. Try finding decent plus-size walking trousers that don’t feel like tactical clingfilm. Try keeping up with some wiry bloke called Dan who “does this loop every morning before breakfast.” Try not bursting into flames every time someone in a pub garden asks, “Did you walk far?”

Here’s the thing though: we still belong out here.

Whether it’s a ten-mile hike or a half-mile moan followed by a brew and a biscuit, it counts. You don’t need to summit Everest. You just need to start.

☕ The Secret Weapon: Sarcasm & Caffeine

Let’s face it - if it wasn’t for coffee and sarcasm, I wouldn’t make it past the car park. That’s why I started creating gear for people like us. Real hikers. Tired hikers. Slightly sweaty hikers who need a mug that says, “I go outside to avoid people.”

You can browse the full range of “Fed-Up but Functional” mugs, bottle openers, and enamel bits right here. Designed for anyone who walks for the view, but stays for the snacks.

🌧️ You’re Allowed to Take Up Space — On the Trail & Online

Whether you’re waddling up Whernside, loitering near a trig, or just walking to the chippy in your boots for “practice” - you’re doing it. You’re showing up. And that deserves more credit than you probably give yourself.

Let this be a reminder: you’re not too fat to hike. You’re not too slow. You’re not too late.

You’re just right - and the fells aren’t going anywhere.

And don’t forget, Amazon’s got everything you need. From walking boots to hiking poles, it’s all there if you want to gear up without breaking the bank.

📺 Clarkson, Cows & Comfort TV

When I’m not dragging myself up hills or dodging other walkers, you’ll usually find me collapsed on the sofa, watching Clarkson’s Farm and wondering if I’d survive five minutes on a tractor.

If you haven’t watched it yet, you’re missing out on pure chaos, sheep-related despair, and the kind of farming wisdom only a bloke with zero qualifications can deliver.

You can stream it now on Amazon Prime - and if you sign up using this link, I might earn a few pence toward my next brew. (Cheers in advance, you legend.)

🎒 Featured Gear for Grumpy Hillwalkers

• “I Go Outside to Avoid People” enamel mug

• Trig Bagger magnetic bottle opener

• Wainwright Wanker coaster set

Because even if you’re huffing and puffing your way up a hill, you can still look smug at the summit.

🎉 Giveaway Alert - £25 Store Credit

I’m running a giveaway to win £25 store credit to spend on anything in The Obese Hiker shop.
It’s open to UK residents only and ends on Sunday 16th June 2025.

Just sign up via the email pop-up on the site to enter. You’ll also get a cheeky 10% discount code straight away. Job done.

⚠️ Heads up:

This post contains affiliate links. If you buy something through them, I may earn a small commission - at no extra cost to you. Helps keep this site running and the snacks stocked.