Written by The_Obese_Hiker

Why Hikers Are Basically Masochists (And Why That’s Brilliant)

Let’s be honest: most normal people would look at hiking the same way they look at running for a bus. Unpleasant, unnecessary, and only done under extreme pressure (like when you’re about to miss last orders).

But us? We choose to do this. For fun.
We willingly wake up at 5am, squeeze our soft bits into sweat-wicking gear, and haul ourselves up hills named things like “Grimscar Edge” or “Death Howl Crag.”
It’s basically recreational self-flagellation - and somehow, we love it.

🤕 We Sign Up For Pain (Repeatedly)

New boots? You’ll have blisters by lunchtime.
Fancy rucksack? Still digs into your shoulders like a guilt trip from your mum.
That “breathable top”? Feels like clingfilm five minutes into a climb.

And yet, we keep doing it.
Because apparently, there’s no therapy quite like stomping uphill with your thighs slapping together and your lungs burning, all while mentally promising yourself “never again.”

(Also: if you like reading about questionable life choices, our entire Obese Hiker Rambles is basically your spiritual home.)

🥾 We Call It “Character Building”

Who needs a life coach when you can experience mild existential dread on the side of a fell in sideways rain?
Every ache, every cramp, every suspicious tingle in your knee that definitely wasn’t there last year - that’s personal growth. Or arthritis. Either way, it’s a story.

We’ll keep chasing trig points, puffing like asthmatic steam engines, because it somehow feels more honest than another hour scrolling on your phone.

☕ Because The Reward Always Tastes Better

Let’s not pretend.
It’s the flask brew on the summit, or the cold pint at the bottom, that makes it all worth it.
And you can’t have a pint that good without earning it first (preferably while looking like a boiled ham).

👉 That’s why our funny enamel mugs exist - for that smug summit moment where your legs are jelly but your grin says “Completed it, mate.”
Or if your walk’s really just a pub crawl with hills, our magnetic bottle openers make sure you’re never more than one click from happiness.

🤔 Why We’ll Keep Coming Back For More

Because even when it’s miserable, it’s also kind of magic.
You’re out there, miles from the nearest overpriced flat white, with nothing but your own wheezing breath, the odd sheep, and that feeling of “holy hell, look at that view.”

And sure, you’ll swear you’re never doing it again.
Until next weekend.

🔥 Read More of Our Bad Ideas

Still nodding along?
You’ll love these:

➡️ Too Hot, Too Sweaty, Too Bloody Far: A Realist’s Guide to Summer Hiking
➡️ The Obese Hiker’s Guide to Not Dying on a Walk

Or just nose through the rest of our rambling nonsense - it’s cheaper than therapy.

💬 Tell Us: What’s The Dumbest Thing You’ve Done On A Walk?

Gone out in a storm?
Forgotten your boots and hiked in wellies?
Let us know in the comments. We promise to laugh with you. (Mostly.)