Written by The_Obese_Hiker

🥵 Introduction

You know it’s muggy when your thighs clap together like polite seals every time you take a step.
The air’s thick enough to chew, your t-shirt’s permanently welded to your back, and the idea of tackling a hill feels about as appealing as licking a radiator.

So why are we still out here, lumbering across the countryside, willingly turning ourselves into sweaty, red-faced disasters?

Because we’re hikers - and we’re a stubborn, slightly deranged breed who somehow think this is fun.

🏠 It’s (slightly) better than staying home

Sure, you could sit on the sofa, fan pointed directly at your sweaty face, watching strangers live their best outdoorsy lives on Instagram.
But somehow that’s worse. At least out here, in the boggy, humid armpit of the UK, you’ve earned the right to complain about it later.

You’ll have stories. You’ll have a sense of smug satisfaction. And you might even get a photo at the top that makes all the sweat, midges, and thigh chafing vaguely worth it.

(If you love reading about these questionable life choices, you’ll probably get a kick out of the rest of our Obese Hiker Rambles - go on, lose yourself in our suffering.)

🥾 Because we’re stubborn as hell

Cancel a walk because of drizzle? Absolutely not.
Call it off because the humidity feels like someone’s wrapped your head in a damp towel? NEVER.

Hikers will plod on regardless. It’s character building, apparently. Or so we tell ourselves while peeling sweat-soaked shorts off later and discovering new patches of raw skin that are on fire.

(Also worth a read: “Too Hot, Too Sweaty, Too Bloody Far: A Realist’s Guide to Summer Hiking” - proof we’ve got issues.)

🍻 Because it always ends at the pub

Doesn’t matter if you arrive glowing with the delicate dew of mild exertion or drenched like you’ve just waded through a swamp. That first pint hits exactly the same.
Somehow the more dishevelled you look, the more satisfying it is. Bonus points if your hair resembles a soggy sheepdog.

And let’s be honest: that’s half the reason we do this. The smug sense of “I’ve earned this” as you sip your cold pint, peel off your socks under the table, and feel sorry for the poor soul sitting downwind.

☕ By the way, are you kitted out properly for this sweaty misery?

Because if you’re going to keep subjecting yourself to muggy marches through questionable British weather, you might as well do it with gear that makes you grin.

👉 Grab yourself one of our funny enamel mugs - perfect for that summit brew, or for looking like a pro in your Facebook photos.
👉 Or if your walk’s more about the reward at the end, our magnetic bottle openers make sure your beer’s never more than a pop away.

(Your future self - sweat-soaked and cursing on the next humid slog  will thank you.)🌧️ Tips for surviving the muggy madness

🌧️ Tips for surviving the muggy madness

If you’re determined to keep at it - because let’s face it, we all are - here’s how to at least suffer slightly less:

✅ Stick to shorter walks.
Your knees (and your sweat glands) will thank you.

✅ Pack a frankly ridiculous amount of water.
Trust us, it’ll vanish faster than your dignity after your second pub pint.

✅ Wear thin socks and breathable gear.
Or embrace the biological experiments your feet will become.

✅ Change your kit before heading into the pub.
For your own comfort, and the sanity of everyone around you.

🤷♂️ So why do we keep doing it?

Because unlike being stuck indoors staring at screens, out here - even dripping in sweat and trying not to swear every five steps - you feel alive.

You’re using your legs for something other than queuing.
You’re breathing air that doesn’t smell like stale coffee and your boss’s tuna salad.
You’re collecting memories (and probably a few midge bites) that you’ll laugh about later.

And deep down, that’s worth every salty, sweat-streaked regret.

📚 Keep reading our outdoor nonsense

Still nodding along? Or wiping sweat off your phone?
Either way, go binge the rest of our questionable takes on hiking life over in the Obese Hiker Rambles.

Some of our personal favourites you might enjoy:
➡️ Even Fat People Can Find Solace in the Outdoors
➡️ The Obese Hiker’s Guide to Not Dying on a Walk

💬 Tell us your horror stories

Ever regretted a muggy hike halfway up?
Ever arrived at the pub looking like a boiled ham in hiking boots?
Drop your horror stories in the comments - we promise to laugh with you, not at you (well… mostly).